My Gratitude Adjustment

Thankful Thursday

2011-12-29T20:08:00.004-05:00

“Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a good fire?” -- C.S. Lewis

Tonight I am sitting here, filled with so much gratitude that I literally could bust at the seams.

I have been so blessed in this life with such amazing and faithful friends.

Friends who have seen me at my worst and still loved me in spite of myself. Friends who, no matter what, have come and helped me when I have needed them. Friends who I couldn't imagine living this life without. Honest, compassionate, loving, and generous friends.

I'd love to tell you about what a great friend I've been to them, too.
But I can't do that.

Over the years, I've been hateful, self-centered, and just plain rude to each of them at one time or another. I've been so miserable inside of myself that I've taken it out on them.

For what?

What did I gain from those actions?
Nothing.

What did I change?
Nothing.

What in the world was I thinking?
Nothing.

Today my friend Edith and I spent almost three hours chatting while our kiddos played at CEC. It's our little get-away, our chance to catch up and reconnect and we try to do it whenever school is out, such as Christmas vacation or Spring Break. I treasure her and her friendship more than she probably knows. I've not done a good job telling her what she means to me, but it's something I am working on. I want her to know without a doubt that they she holds an important spot in my heart.

Later tonight, my friend Loretta and I went to see the new movie, New Year's Eve. She and I have seen many movies together over the course of our friendship and I realized tonight that I have neglected our friendship lately. She has always been so kind to me and has never judged me no matter what I have said or done to her and for that I am so grateful. We made a pact tonight to see more movies together in 2012. Kind of a new year's resolution for our friendship, you could say. I'm looking forward to us reconnecting through movies and dinners over the next several weeks/months.

So, tonight, on this Thankful Thursday, I am grateful for my friends... the ones I was blessed to spend time with today and those who were with me in my heart.

I'm so blessed and it's about time I give thanks for the blessings which I have been given.

What are YOU thankful for this last Thursday of 2011?

What a Difference

2011-12-28T21:55:00.000-05:00

What a difference a year makes...

This time last year, I was immersed in an ocean of self-loathing.
A miserable and depressing pile of a person, not any fun to be around at all.
Convinced that my life was not meant to be what I used to dream it would be.
Determined to accept the lonliness and despair I was feeling, to actually embrace it as being "as good as it was going to get"
Waving the proverbial "white flag" of surrender to all that I wanted and always thought my life would be.

I'd decided that this was as good as it was going to get and that I needed to just accept it and move on. I'd given up on ever being truly happy in this life. My "woulda, shoulda, coulda" list was endless.

My life seemed empty and I honestly couldn't see how it would ever be full like so many other people I know lives were full, full of friends, family, peace, happiness, joy...

I just figured I'd made too many mistakes and that I just simply didn't deserve what everyone else had.

Fast forward to this year.

The difference is astounding, immeasurable...

Last year, I was going through the motions of Christmas.
This year, I was directly involved in our church's children's musical.
Last year, I was on the verge of giving up all hope.
This year, I saw the hope that Jesus gave to the world when he was born.
Last year, I was spending my free time on the computer, wasting my days away.
This year, I spent my free time in my garage, painting the backdrop for the kiddos' play at church.
Last year, I was crying about how pathetic I thought my life was.
This year, I was crying as Myddle H told me the story of how she felt "different" lately. Of how one day, at the end of church, she felt something she's never felt before. How she knew it was the right time to pray the prayer at the end of church and ask Jesus into her heart. Of how she was saved.

What a difference a year makes.

I'm sitting here today, living proof that if you give your heart to God and give up control of your life, He will make it better. He made the sorrow inside of me turn into joy. He changed my self-loathing into self-acceptance. He has already made my life so much better and I can see the effect He is having on every member of our family, too.

I'm struggling with how to share this good news with people I know. I'm worried they will see me as a "fake" a "hypocrite" a "phony" -- Those people who know me and who have known me all these years would probably have a hard time believing what I am feeling is honest and sincere.

However,I want to share this thought with anyone who is currently where I was last year, it would be this:

If He can change my heart, imagine what He will do with yours.

Green Grass

2011-12-26T19:27:00.000-05:00

I just had a text conversation with a friend of mine from elementary school. Thanks to Facebook, we reconnected more than two years ago. The conversation was simple enough and started with a simple question:

"What are your plans this week?"

Well, my plans involve cleaning and organizing my house and getting ready to start the new year off on the right foot. If I am being honest, I have to admit that the clutter and rush and disorganization of the month of December almost pushes me over the edge. My house is in a constant state of disarray, and I don't handle it well at all. The older I get, the more I allow myself to surrender to the chaos, telling myself that what matters right now is the most amazing of holidays. Three amazed faces stare in disbelief because the big guy, Mr. Claus, once again delivered their wishes. This year, however, we also soaked in the amazing miracle of the birth of Jesus. The Son of God who was sent to save us all. I am learning to live in the moment more and crave control less and less. But, I am still a work in progress and therefore I crave order.

When I texted back that I was planning on cleaning and organizing, she reminded me that she was headed to Pigeon Forge with her family for their traditional week after Christmas escape together. Immediately, I felt a twinge of jealousy. Then, I was quickly reminded that not only do I have no reason to be jealous, it is sinful for me to feel that way. She is my friend and I love her and I am happy for her. Do I wish I was headed somewhere to meet with my parents and Daddy H's parents for a week together? Absolutely. Is that possible? No. My peace and joy in that moment came from the promise that was made that we will all be reunited in Heaven one day. And what a glorious and beautiful moment that will be, right?

So, I made a choice right then and there. I texted her back and told her how geniunely happy I was for her and I prayed for her and her family to have a safe and enjoyable trip together. I also gave thanks that the jealousy I initially felt had been removed from my heart and replaced by a peace... Rather than focus on what was behind me that I can no longer have, I must keep my eyes on the prize that is ahead of me one sweet day. I told my friend that I was grateful for my Mom and that I realized that there are so many others that would have given anything this weekend to spend time with their mom or other loved one; people who celebrated the birth of our Savior alone, hungry, cold... those that celebrated without a warm coat, food in their bellies, or a roof over their heads.

Her reply shocked me: "I'd love to be home cleaning and organizing this week instead of facing a messy house when we get back home."

WHAT? How ironic is it that we both want what the other has?

It immediately reminded of that old cliche:
"The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence"

We exchanged a few more texts and then we said goodbye for the night...

That's when I realized, even though we both want what the other has,
We both are so blessed.

And we are, aren't we?
For that, I give thanks.

Do you ever do what we did tonight and fall into the trap of comparing your "grass" with the "grass" of your neighbors/friends/co-workers/etc... I know I am guilty of it a million times over.

I find myself asking things like:

Is my house "nice enough/big enough/clean enough"?
Do my kids have the "right" clothes/shoes/toys?
Are my lessons at school "fun/interesting/creative" enough?

It's a horrible trap and it sets us up for disappointment and frustration.

I found this quote online and created this little graphic:

It's a good reminder to me that I don't need to focus on other people's grass in comparison with ours.
I need to be sure I am "fertilizing" our garden with what it needs to truly grow and prosper.

This is my prayer tonight:

Rather than worrying about the labels on my kids' clothes/toys/shoes, let me be concerned enough with their hearts that I pray with them each night.
What's in their hearts matters more than what's on their backs.
Instead of worrying if my car/house/neighborhood is as nice as someone else's, let me pray for their health and happiness.
If something happened to them, would I even care about what kind of car they had?
When I begin to feel sorry for myself and what I don't have, let me give thanks for all that You have given to me and to everyone I love.
Without You, I would be nothing.
Fill my heart with gratitude, not envy.
Jealousy does not help, it hurts.
Fill my mouth with kind and thoughtful words.
My sharp tongue has never helped anyone.
Place a burden upon my heart to always remember where I came from and where I am headed.
I cannot do this alone, but I know with You, anything is possible.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T22:00:00.000-05:00

Christmas Time

2011-12-22T15:18:00.000-05:00

What an amazing Christmas season this has been.

Why? Well, since you asked...

Usually, I am so wrapped up (pardon the pun) in trying to make the holiday "perfect" on the outside that I end up miserable on the inside...

I sit here feeling sorry for myself that I don't have a huge family coming over, a house busting at the seams with uncles, cousins, grandparents, and all of that...

I feel anxious waiting for the credit card bills to arrive, wondering how I will once again juggle paying our regular bills in addition to the debt we accrued trying to make magic out of worldly things like the newest video game or nice tennis shoes.

I feel lonely because from where I sit, everyone else I know has picture perfect Christmases resembling a Norman Rockwell painting.

I feel exhausted from the hours I spend cooking, cleaning, arranging, decorating, rearranging, etc... you get the picture. Maybe you even know what I mean because you do the same thing.

This year, something is different inside of me.

I honestly don't care that the bins and bins and bins of Christmas paraphenalia haven't been laid out over every square inch of our house. Sure, I've decorated our tree and I put out the ceramic Christmas village that Daddy H and I bought at Walmart the first Christmas we were married and I've got a special place for the snowman that my dad's mom made oh-so-many years ago. I haven't spent hours stressing out though. I've been able to sit back and enjoy the season this year.

I'm totally okay with the fact that the kiddos aren't getting new iPads, laptops or televisions or anything else ridiculous that they asked Santa for because we don't have the money for those things. Almost all of our presents are wrapped if for no other reason than there just aren't as many as there have been in previous years. That's not to say that kiddos aren't going to have a great Christmas, it's that Mama H won't lose night after night of sleep wondering and worrying how she'll pay for it all come January.

I don't have a kitchen full of excess food that will inevitably go to waste because I've finally learned that just because I bake/cook, doesn't mean people will magically appear at my doorstep to eat it. I've made a few of the kiddos' and Daddy H's favorites (and mine, too) and I'm satisfied with that. We've got everything we could ever want/need to eat and I realize that's more than most people in this world can say on any given day.

Christmas is so real to me this year.
The true meaning of Christmas.
CHRIST.

"Jesus is the reason for the season."

People say this every year.
You see it on signs outside of churches.
You see people on television claiming to be offended by the "religious" nature of this holiday. I've always believed it, but I haven't lived it. I've never doubted that Jesus was the son of God and that He was born on Christmas, but I also never truly understood what that actually meant. I didn't walk the walk or talk the talk. I didn't "get" it.

All these years, I didn't get it.

This year is different.

There are so many Christmas songs that I've heard on the radio, the ones I've sung since I was a child. The ones whose lyrics are so familiar, that for many years, I sang right along with them, not hearing what was being sung, just singing along robotically, going through the motions just like I was when decorating my house, cooking holiday favorites, or shopping for the newest "must-have" toy for hours on end. Making a list of what needed to be done since it was December, and ticking away at the list, hoping that if I did it perfectly enough, the emptiness in my heart would disappear. If only I had the perfect tree, a full house of friends and family, an endless supply of money, my heart would finally feel peace.

Of course, that didn't work. Year after year, I tried to make it work, convinced that if I would just work harder, shop longer, cook more, then my heart would be happy.

This year, however, the lyrics to some of the oldest songs have stopped me in my tracks. Other, newer Christmas songs have brought me to tears as I listen and understand what is being said. I don't know how to describe it other than to say that I've found myself fighting the urge to scream out loud to the world:

"I FINALLY GET IT!!"
" I really, really GET IT!!!"

God sent his Son to save me.
To save each of us.
Even though we weren't worthy of being saved.

This is the reason my heart is so full this year.

I am not sad.

Peace and happiness fill the empty places within me.

Grateful doesn't even begin
to describe how I feel this Christmas.

There is no other gift
I could ever imagine
that could even come close
to comparing to the
Greatest Gift of All:

Jesus!!!
---------
John 14:27
--------
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Beginning Again

2011-12-21T22:17:00.000-05:00

Nearly three years ago, I started this blog in an attempt to become more grateful for the blessings in my life. I thought the title was clever for many reasons -- first of all, it's a play off of the common phrase "attitude adjustment" -- I've needed one of those for a long, long time. It also shows the desire for my heart to change, to go from being someone who complains at the drop of a hat to someone who gives sincere thanks for everything, even those things which seem inconvenient or insigificant.

I didn't realize it then, but back in 2009, a seed had been planted in my heart to make this change in my outlook on life. I can't remember exactly how or when it was, but I had been feeling for a while that I needed to make a conscious effort to offer thanks for all that I've been given. So, I started the blog as a New Year's resolution and posted frequently for a while.

As New Year's Resolutions go, I started strong and then slowly, but inevitably, I fell back into the trap of working too much, griping and complaining just as much, and taking for granted those things that people in different circumstances would give all they had for.

Since I first started this blog, I've grown older and I'd like to think wiser. Amazingly over the past three years, and especially within the last six months, I've accepted who I am and what gifts and challenges I've been given in this life. I've been transformed from the inside out -- I am no longer a depressed, ungrateful, self-loathing wife, mom, and teacher. I am a new me, a calm and peaceful person who actually looks in the mirror in the morning and gives thanks for another day to live this life I'm blessed to live.

People I've known for a over a decade now have noticed this change in me and some have even asked me what I attribute the difference to... Maybe it's a new medication or an inspiring book, or even a magic formula.

I am more than happy to share my "secret" with anyone who asks:

My new medication is Jesus, the book I'm reading is the Holy Bible, and the formula to happiness and peace is giving all that I am and all that I have to the One who created me.

A flame has been lit inside of me that cannot be extinguished.
I've totally and completely surrended myself to Him.

My mind and heart are so full of thoughts, questions, examples, and so much, much more that relates to the amazing mercy that was shown to each of us at the cross. I am going to use this blog as a way of documenting my continued transformation towards being truly and completely grateful for every single thing.

Now I understand.
Now I know.
Everything that happens and everyone I encounter in this life happens for a reason.

And I choose to be grateful for every single blessing, especially those which don't seem like "my idea" of a blessing at the time.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Thankful Thursday

2010-03-04T19:40:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful that summer is getting closer by the day...

... and that with summer comes sunshine...

... and with sunshine comes suntans...

... and with all of that, comes

happiness

fun

smiles

memories

and

most of all

time together

as a family...

The Power of Love

2010-03-03T17:25:00.000-05:00

I was sick yesterday. Really sick.
For the gory details, click here...

The agony and despair I felt
served a great purpose though
(well, besides the 6 pounds I lost)

It reminded me of the power of love.

The power of how just laying next to the man you love more than anyone ever can make your uncontrollable shivering subside.

The power of how holding his hand when you feel like you can't take the pain anymore makes it somehow seem bearable.

The power of how just his presence makes you feel safer, more secure, more "well"...

Daddy H and I have always had a deep connection.

One of those things I can't explain.

We just "fit".

Many people have said over the years that we don't seem like a match, but they are wrong.
We are a match in what really matters.

He loves me unconditionally.
No matter what I look like,
how much I weigh,
what mood swings I may have,
or what I forget to do,
he loves me.

I feel the exact same way about him. I can't imagine life without him. Not even for a minute.

But it's so much more than just an emotion of "love"... an intangible "feeling"...

Our love is power.

In the rush of everyday life, I had forgotten just how much power there is in his touch.
In the strength of his hands and the way I feel so safe and secure in his arms.

I had forgotten all of this... Until I got sick.

After hours of pain and cold chills, I decided to climb into bed closer to him and guess what?!?! The shivering stopped. The pain subsided temporarily. I felt calm. All because he held me.

For as long as we've been married (almost 12 years now -- gasp!) he's always been able to make me feel better. Sometimes it's a joke, or a hug, or just the fact that I know he'd kick anyone's butt if I asked him to...

The most wonderful thing, however, is how his touch can heal me.

That's the power of love. At least for me.

Thanks, Daddy H. I love you!

Thankful Thursday

2010-02-18T20:42:00.001-05:00

I'm thankful
for

Nothing.

That sounds horrible, doesn't it...

Let me clarify...

I'm thankful that
we've got
NOTHING.

That's not coming
out right...

I mean
we've got

Nothing to worry about.
Nothing to do.
Nothing to remember.
Nothing to cry about.
Nothing to prevent.
Nothing to resist.
Nothing to avoid.
Nothing to defend.
Nothing to heal.

The way I see it,
NOTHING is perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

Nothing is peaceful and calm.
Nothing is stress-free and easy.
Nothing is happy and fun-loving.
Nothing is everything.

Nothing is awesome.
Isn't it?

So Grateful...

2010-01-30T11:20:00.002-05:00

We don't have this outside our windows this morning...

Thankful Thursday

2010-01-28T17:50:00.000-05:00

Today, I'm thankful for technology.

Specifically, I'm thankful for Woot.com and the Ion VCR to PC converter that just arrived at our house yesterday.

Now I can transfer videos of my high school graduation, basketball games, and most importantly, the births of Bigg, Myddle, and Babee H from VHS to a digital format. I am so happy I can't even stand it!!!!

Having these recordings in a digital format will be priceless.

Having the ability to make this change only cost me $29.99 + $5 S/H thanks to Woot.com... (FWIW, Sears.com has this same item for sale for $199.99 right now...)

It doesn't get better than this!

Thankful Thursday

2010-01-21T17:35:00.000-05:00

Today I'm grateful for Bigg H.

Well, I'm grateful for him everyday. I'm grateful for all of my kids every day.

But today is his day.

He got his report card today and made straight As.

I couldn't be more proud of him.

Not because he has good grades...
Not because he is smart...
Not because he has good behavior...

I am proud of Bigg H for how far he has come
from the stubborn,
shy,
unsure,
frustrated
kindergartener
he was in 2007...

Way to go, Bigg H!
I can't believe you are a 2nd grader!

I love you, Koo!

Thankful Thursday

2010-01-14T20:04:00.000-05:00

What am I thankful for today???

My gigantic and enormous gas bill? No...
My annoying, stupid neighbors? No, that's not it...
The huge rottweiler roaming our neighborhood? Nah, not that...
The killer pile of laundry in my hallway? Nope. Try again.
My fat rolls? No... hmmmmm.... what could it be?
Grade level meetings after school? NO!
Daddy H's crazy work hours? Shoot... that's not it either!!!!

How about this:

Tonight, I am grateful for the fact that...

I have enough $ to pay the gas bill when so many out there do not...
One of my neighbors cares enough to call and let me know about the rottweiler since my kids were playing outside...
My three healthy children are able to run around and play and get their clothes filthy while having a blast...
I've never known hunger like so many people do...
The teachers in my grade level make even the worst day so much better... so few people can say that, right?
Daddy H has a full-time job with benefits like never before and that tomorrow he gets to work "normal" hours (7 a.m. - 3:30 p.m. -- WOOT!!)

It's not been the best week, but in the grand scheme of things, I can't even begin to complain. I've got it made in so very many ways.

How about you? What are YOU grateful for today?

Sometimes "Thanks" Isn't Enough...

2010-01-10T08:41:00.000-05:00

Last night, I had the most horrible

~~dream~~ nightmare...

My family and I

were being held

hostage

by terrorists...

In our own home...

In my dream,

we were at their

mercy,

being forced to

do whatever

they wanted us to do...

(which I won't go into detail about,

but let's just say that obviously

some of the episodes of Law and Order: SVU

came into play...)

It was a

horrible,

disgusting,

terrifying,

revolting,

situation...

When I woke up this morning

and told Daddy H about it

it got me thinking

about how grateful

I am to live in the

United States of America...

You see,

just because of the simple fact

that we live in the USA,

we can know

without a doubt

that my ~~dream~~ nightmare

will never become reality...

We are soooooo

unbelievably

blessed...

Daddy H was a Marine when we met

in 1995...

something I thought was "cool"

at the ripe old age of 19

Now,

as a 33-year old mother

and wife,

I realize that it's not so much

"cool"

as it is

heroic,

brave, and

amazing...

not to mention

the indescribable sacrifice

those

Marines (and all other members of our Armed Forces)

make

(as well as their families)

every single day

just so we can all

enjoy our freedom...

When was the last time

we gave thanks?

Whether we agree

with the war or the president

or any of the associated politics

doesn't matter...

This much is true...

there are thousands upon thousands

sons, fathers, brothers, uncles,

cousins, and nephews

giving of themselves

each and every day

just so you and I can sleep

and work

and worship

and do what we do

in peace.

"Thanks" just doesn't seem like

nearly enough for

what they've given already and

what some will give

today, tomorrow,

someday...

Daddy H's AAV

Amphibious Assault Vehicle

2D AAVBN -- Daddy H's Battalion

Camp Lejune, NC

But "thanks" is all we can say...

So, my question is this...

What can we DO

to show our "thanks"???

Thankful Thursday

2010-01-07T15:30:00.000-05:00

First week back to school after two weeks off...
Monday was hard to get back into the swing of things,
but after that, it was like riding a bicycle...
you never really forget how to do it, you know?

Today I am thankful for

my sweet little children
one of which
snuck into my
bedroom
and hid
a spoon
under
my pillow

(they did Daddy H's pillow, too)

all so
we
could have
a better chance
of seeing some
snow

(which we didn't... maybe next time)

I meant to get a picture of them
in their inside-out jammies,
but didn't get to it...

Maybe next time.

Seeing the world through
my childrens' eyes
is one of the greatest
blessings I've ever been
given.

So, what are YOU grateful for today?

Monday's Moment

2010-01-04T16:56:00.001-05:00

How awesome is it

that I get to work

with my BFF?

Pretty darn awesome,

if you ask me.

Awesome!!

2010-01-02T19:38:00.002-05:00

This is probably wrong of me,

but today I am grateful for

the "for sale" sign

that one of my

most annoying

neighbors

placed in their yard

sometime

today...

2010

is already

shaping up to be an

awesome

year!

Thankful Thursday

2009-12-31T09:59:00.001-05:00

Today I'm thankful for:

four more days of Christmas vacation and the fact each day that passes gets us closer and closer to summer vacation
Daddy H and the kiddos who let me sleep until 10am -- woot!
the fact that we are headed to the grocery store together and that we can actually buy what we WANT to eat for the next week, instead of trying to feed 5 of us for a week on $40...
my gigantic, enormous, comfortable cotton pants that I'm wearing right now...
the stacks and stacks of clean laundry on my kitchen table

What about you?
What are you thankful for today?

New Year's Resolution

2009-12-30T15:22:00.000-05:00

I totally let the ball drop with this blog in 2009.

I was doing great when life was going well.
I was grateful when times were good.

It's easy to be thankful when you have everything you need.

But then, when our dream of moving to the beach died and our financial situation got even worse, all of a sudden I forgot to be grateful.

That sucks.

Even in the weeks when I wasn't sure how we were going to make it until my next paycheck, there were several things I should have been grateful for...

But I was too wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself that I didn't take the time to write (type) them on my blog...

And now I can't even remember what they are...

I'm going to resolve to post at least three times a week
on this blog throughout the new year...

And always on Thursdays... I am going to call them "Thankful Thursdays"...

Each Thursday, I will find something for which I am grateful in my life...

I resolve to post each Thursday
whether things are going well or not
whether I am happy or sad
whether I have the time or not...

Anyone want to join me?

Let's start tomorrow, okay?

Wordless (Almost) Wednesday...

2009-12-09T16:33:00.000-05:00

Today I am grateful for...

Sunshine instead of rain...

Only seven (count 'em) days of school

until Christmas break begins!!!

So, what are you thankful for today???

Which Line Are You In?

2009-12-02T17:40:00.000-05:00

I am often in the wrong line...

I find myself complaining

about

a lot of things...

I should try to keep this image

in my mind...

Because what struck me the most

is how horrible it feels when

a parent complains

but how

wonderful it

feels when they

express

their

sincere

gratitude

for what you've done

for their child...

Today I experienced both

which is unusual...

I get a lot of

complaints

and very little

compliments...

And as I sat here

thinking how nice it would be

to get more compliments,

I realized that I spend

a lot more time

complaining

than

complimenting...

I need to work on that...

How about you?

Back in the Saddle...

2009-11-28T22:14:00.001-05:00

The irony of my last post on this blog just struck me...

Since last April (has it really been that long??)
so much has happened in our lives...

Here are some random thoughts/things for which I am grateful for at this moment...

sometimes it takes a while to see a person's "true colors", and although at first it might hurt, it's better for all involved to know what they are really like
my friends are the greatest friends a girl could ask for
i miss so many of my high school/college friends and wish they lived closer
our dream of living at the beach wasn't meant to be
last april #5 crushed my spirit... looking at it now though I fully realize it wasn't meant to be and therefore shouldn't have been...
i love my kids so much it hurts
daddy h has a full-time job with benefits, sick days, and vacation pay for the first time ever
thanksgiving vacation is awesome, but not long enough
dogs can make anything better
houses look cozier when they are decorated for Christmas
a clean house is a wonderful thing even if it only lasts 5 minutes
having little in the bank makes you focus on what really matters

I need to get back to this blog... it's good for my heart and soul...

So, is anyone out there even still reading this thing??? I don't blame you if you've given up!

:-)

Neighbors

2009-04-05T09:11:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning, Daddy H was putting the finishing touches on our fence.

As I was cleaning, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

Throughout the last week and a half, no less than five of our neighborhood "guys" have come over to help Daddy H with the fence...

And it struck me...

How blessed are we to live in a neighborhood

where

neighbors actually know each other
neighbors look out for your kids when they are riding bikes
neighbors volunteer to help with each other's home improvement projects
neighbors spend evenings in each other's backyards just because...
neighbors overall get along so well with each other

I'd say we are pretty blessed in this area, and since we don't have any family nearby, our neighbors (and friends for that matter) are even more special to us.

Now, don't get me wrong... our neighborhood isn't anywhere near perfect!

Just like any other neighborhood,
we've got

HOA issues
nosy neighbors
complainers who criticize others
gossipers who only make themselves look like fools...

But I simply refuse to waste my time focused on THOSE people
when so many of my neighbors are SO AMAZING!

We are SO blessed!

I Have Been Blessed...

2009-04-03T19:30:00.000-04:00

This song hit me like a

ton

bricks

tonight on the way home from dinner...

I am going to write these lyrics down

and hang them

in a place where I can see them every day

I need to remember

that no matter

what annoys me at home

what frustrates me at work

what saddens me on the news

what bothers me about others

have

definitely

been

blessed!

--------------------------------------------

I have been blessed

And I feel like I've found my way

I thank God for all I've been given

At the end of every day

I have been blessed

With so much more than I deserve

To be here with the ones

That love me

To love them so much it hurts

I have been blessed

----------------------------------

Song by Martina McBride

Two for Tuesday

2009-03-31T17:01:00.000-04:00

I've been away from this blog way too long

I need to focus myself on

the blessings

of a regular, ordinary, everyday life

my life

Today I am thankful for

puppy kisses

frito feet

unconditional love

excitement at the mere sound of my arrival home

wagging tails

someone to cuddle with at night after the kiddos are asleep

middle of the night potty trips followed by immediate sleep

pure and complete

happiness

Thanks,

Bo Doggie

and

Sadie Ann

I already can't imagine life without you two.

But, please...

stop growing up so quickly.

:-)

Turnaround Tuesday

2009-02-11T00:03:00.000-05:00

Tonight I am disappointed, dismayed, and frustrated. It hasn't been a good day.

I can't sleep because I can't stop playing all the what-ifs and uncertainties of my life at this moment in my head.

So, I did what I normally do when I can't sleep.

Something guaranteed to make me drowsy and lethargic.

Lesson plans.

But, being the dedicated teacher I am, I had to first check my email. What I found in there changed my mood. Completely.

Turns out someone loves me. I mean, I know Daddy H and the kiddos love me, DUH. But apparently someone else does. And, this person took time out of what I know for a fact is a completely hectic and stressful night to write the nicest email I have ever received.

Just to tell me she loves me and that she actually will miss me when we move.

WOW.

I have mentioned before that I have a what some people would call "PROBLEM" with self-esteem. I honestly cannot figure out for the life of me why anyone would like me, much less "love" me. It just doesn't make sense. In my eyes I have nothing positive to offer anyone. Nothing. So, as I contemplate moving, I really can't see how anyone would miss me. Honestly, I can't. In my eyes, as soon as I am out of sight, I will be out of mind, and that's okay. I don't deserve anything more.

However, this person, the person who more than anyone else in my lifetime has seen me through highs and lows, through good days and days better forgotten, through my moodiness and snarkiness, through my depression and my mania, through days where we have laughed until we've cried as well as cried until there was nothing left to do but laugh, is actually going to miss me when I am gone.

WOW.

I couldn't even email her back because I couldn't find the words to say.

But now I have.

I love you, too, friend.

And, no matter what distance is ever between us, you and I will always have our memories, laughs, tears, and all the other craziness that has been the last eight years we have known each other, not to mention years and years of memories still to be made together...

Thanks for turning my Tuesday around AND for loving me despite all of my many, many flaws.

How in the world did I get so lucky?

Finally... A New Post!

2009-02-08T14:43:00.000-05:00

I'm here, and I am still finding so many, many things each day to be grateful for in my life. I just have been slack about posting this month...

For example, the weather this weekend is incredible and such a blessing. I swear I have that seasonal affective disorder. I can't stand winter or gray skies or lack of sunshine. It seriously depresses me. But this weekend is as perfect as they come. WOW.

I am also grateful for my kiddos who have been such an asset as we have spent the last two Saturday mornings/afternoons cleaning feveriously for potential buyers to come and see our house. There is no way we could keep the house this clean if they were not so much bigger and motivated to help... I don't know who wants to move more... the kiddos or Daddy H and I! They are so excited to live at the beach!

Finally, I am grateful for the many close friendships I have made since I have been living here. I know I will write more about this as the months go on, but I need to say at least this... Living at the beach is our dream, and it is about to come true... which is unimaginable to Daddy H and myself... However, for me, living without my friends that have become such an integral and important part of my every day life is also unimaginable. I can't honestly even imagine what it will be like to be so far away from some of them. I know I have tried to put it out of my mind for the fact that it is tender, bittersweet subject, but the time is soon approaching when I'll have to face it. For now, I am grateful for the time we have left together.

So, what are you grateful for this Sunday afternoon?

Two for Tuesday

2009-01-27T21:33:00.000-05:00

Not much to say today. I am struggling with a lot lately.

However, no matter how miserable I think I am, things could always be worse.

I need to keep that in perspective.

Things.

Could.

Be.

So.

Much.

Worse.

So, today I am grateful for:

1. The fact that no matter how much I hate myself or feel like a failure, my kiddos dropped everything and ran to the door to greet me when I got home tonight. They truly make the worries and disappointments and failures of the day disappear. I hope they know how much I love them. I hope I show and tell them enough every day how much they mean to me.

2. Tomorrow. Because it's another chance to start again. Another chance to do better. Another chance to eat less, be kinder, work smarter, and love more. Another chance to truly be grateful for all that I am blessed with. Another chance to get out of this funk that I am in.

So... what are you grateful for?

Two for Tuesday

2009-01-20T20:30:00.000-05:00

I'd like to write a post about the wonder of snow.
The joy that it brought my children.
The fun that they had playing outside, building a snowman.
Maybe I'd even post some pictures of snow angels that they made.

But, it didn't snow. Not even a flake's worth.

CRAP.

So... what else am I thankful for today?

Let's see...

1. Patience. I worked late at school tonight, like I do most Tuesdays. I emailed Daddy H and asked him if he wanted Subway for dinner. Sure. So, I arrived at the local Subway at 7:05 p.m. I returned to my car at 7:29 p.m. And there was only one person in front of me. I literally felt like I was watching things happen in slow motion. It...was...painful...to...say...the...least... I contemplated leaving and just coming on home, but I figured that 1) at least they were working, not sitting home collecting unemployment and 2) they were taking their time to craft each sandwich for the person in front of me with impeccable attention to detail. And, really, who am I to be in such a hurry?

2. One day at a time. I haven't been doing well on my diet lately at all. In fact, I have been in what I would call a "holding pattern" for the past 2 months. TWO MONTHS. 60+ days. Wasted. For the longest time, I didn't gain weight, I maintained. Until the last 2 weeks. I have gained 6 pounds back of the 36 I had lost altogether. 1/6 of it! So, today, once again, I told myself that I was back on the wagon. I honestly struggled with it all day. But I told myself that I need to take baby steps ONE DAY AT A TIME until I am motivated, losing weight, and back on track like I was before the holidays.

What TWO things are you thankful for today?

Monday, Monday, Monday

2009-01-19T09:49:00.000-05:00

I was reading back over yesterday's post and MAN was I long-winded... Of course, I guess Daddy H deserves to have the longest post I have ever written, right?

Well, today's post will be a short one. As you remember, I hate Mondays. They are the worst! However, I have committed myself to finding three things for which I am grateful for each Monday...

Here goes...

1. Lunch with an old friend. Today, Myddle and Babee H and I are meeting NC for lunch at the local restaurant. NC and I used to teach together, back when I was a new mom. She has always been such a role model for me as a mom. She has such an amazing relationship with her children and I can only hope that I will be able to build the same quality relationship with mine.

2. The prospect of snow. I'll be the first to admit that I hate winter. I mean HATE it. What's to like with the static-y hair, the constant shocks of electricity, the dry skin, chapped lips, cold seats in the car, wind, no outside recess, etc, etc, etc.... But I do love the joy that snow brings my children. They are so very excited about the possibility of snow and have been checking out the windows all day long in anticipation. Now, if only I could find their hats and mittens... hmmm...

3. A long, scalding hot bath and a good book. Nothing makes me relax and takes the stress out of the day like escaping for a few moments into a tub of so-hot-you-can-barely-stand-it water and a book you just can't put down. Every day I make sure I have time to take a bath. When the kiddos were younger, I rarely had time for this luxury, but now that they are older, I make sure I get these 30 minutes to myself each day. For just a little while, I am not "Mama" or "Mrs. H" or "Honey"... I can truly escape into the pages of a book while the hot water relaxes the tension out of my body... Calgon, take me away!!!!!

So, what are you thankful for this Monday? C'mon, you can think of SOMETHING!!!

Sentimental Sundays

2009-01-18T21:43:00.000-05:00

Today, I am going to look back over what could be considered the most important decision of my life...

Homecoming Weekend 1995 -- Furman University

The floats were decorated on the mall...
There were parties everywhere...
The football game was fun for all who attended...

I mean, that's what I heard. I wasn't actually there.

I was in Longwood College in Farmville, Virginia.
That's where my life changed forever.

A little background information... the dating world at Furman is not all that great.
Actually, it is non-existent. And that's being kind.

For some unknown reason, Furman boys don't date Furman girls. For the most part, we are their friends, drinking buddies, study partners, whatever... but NOT their dates or girlfriends... not no way... not no how.

So, I decided Homecoming Weekend would be the perfect opportunity to skip town and go to visit one of my BFFs from high school, Tizzy. She was a junior and was dating a guy named Mike. I told her that I wanted to have a good time for the weekend and take my mind off of school and all of the (what seemed like) stress that I had going on from it...

She told me she had the perfect guy for me. One of her boyfriend's friends... a United States Marine. I was excited. Completely and totally excited.

I had seen the ads on television. I knew the uniform well. I knew the confidence, the "look", the overall appeal of a man in uniform. And here I was, going on a blind date with a Marine. WOW! I could hardly contain myself...

Until he walked in her dorm room for the first time.

First of all, his name was Bubba. Seriously. That's what everyone called him. Including me. He was wearing blue jean shorts, a t-shirt, and hiking boots. YEAH. I know. Not exactly the Marine I had seen on television or in billboard advertisements.

Since I had yet to have my first drink, I didn't know what to do but sit there and be polite. Who was I to judge someone by their outward appearance or the fact that they didn't seem to measure up to my idea of what they should or should not look like?

We loaded up in Tizzy's car and drove to the nearest grocery store for beer and such. Before I knew it, Bubba and I were chasing each other around the store... he was meowing like a cat and I was barking like a dog. I was completely sober at this point, remember. Completely.sober. And having the most fun I had had in a long, long time. With a guy named Bubba.

Well, needless to say, we went back to Tizzy's dorm room and started drinking. After a few bottles of Boone's (I was a poor college kid, remember) we decided it was time to hit some of the parties/bars on and nearby campus. We had the best time I can remember. It was fun from start to finish, and I didn't want the night to end. Afterwards, we took Tizzy and Mike back to Tizzy's dorm room and Bubba and I decided to do through the Hardee's drive thru... we were starving.

He had a tiny little teal green Ford Ranger back in those days, with a little green and black stuffed puppy in the front windshield. I'll never forget how excited I was when he said I could have it. I had never in my whole life "clicked" with someone so instantly. Never had I been so happy with someone who was a complete and total stranger to me. We talked and talked and talked that night until it was time for he and Mike to return to Fort Pickett. I counted the hours until he and Mike would come back the next night. And we had an even better time the next night. Then it was time for me to come back to Greenville and go back to the life I knew here at Furman.

That was November. I knew I'd probably never see or hear from Bubba again, but I didn't care. I had no regrets whatsoever. I was living in the moment, and for the first time in my life I wasn't analyzing who, what, when, where, why, or how about the situation. It.just.felt.right.

I came back from that trip and my roommate MB told me, after hearing about how wonderful and fun and awesome and great my weekend was that I was going to marry Bubba. I told her she was crazy and that I was never going to see much less hear from her again.

So, when I got a random phone call in March of 1996, I was surprised to say the least. The message was from "J in North Carolina". Um... WHO? I had no idea. It took me three.whole.days. to figure out who it was. It was Bubba! To say I was thrilled would be the understatement of the century.

He wanted to know if I would go to Myrtle Beach with him for the weekend. Um. YEAH! I had enough of a moment of sanity to think that maybe I shouldn't... here I was, a 19 year old college girl, going to meet a 25 year old Marine that I had only met once before. Not exactly what I'd want Myddle or Babee H doing, right? But, again, it just felt right. So I did it. Of course, I told MB where I was going (this was before everyone and their mama had a cell phone, remember?) and that if I wasn't back on Sunday, then she should probably worry. (NICE, huh?)

Driving there, I was nervous. More nervous than I expected to be. Was he the same fun-loving guy that I remembered? (Hope so!) Would he be wearing those same shorts and boots? (Hope not!) Would we "click" like we did in November? (Hope so!) What would happen if we didn't "click" this time? (Didn't even want to consider it.)

Well, to make a long story short, it was the most amazing and wonderful weekend of my life. From start to finish we had fun talking, walking up and down Ocean Blvd, hanging out with all of his Marine buddies.

We've been together ever since. Through highs and lows. Through fun times and sad times. Through it all. He's been there for me.

So, thanks Daddy H.

Thanks for loving me for who I am, even when I don't love myself.
Thanks for giving me three children who I can't imagine living one day without.
Thanks for listening to me when I have a bad day and work.
Thanks for always wanting to fix whatever is wrong, even when you know you can't do a damn thing about it.
Thanks for making me feel safe.
Thanks for making me laugh, even when I feel like crying.
Thanks for allowing me to be myself, completely and totally, when we are together.

Thanks.
I know I don't say it nearly enough.

I love you more than you know.
Mama H

Saturday Seven

2009-01-17T11:53:00.000-05:00

Today, I am thankful for these seven things... in no particular order:

1. Sleeping in until 10am... thanks Daddy H!
2. Playing Uno with my girls in our jammies at 11:30 a.m.
3. Cheese omlettes and bacon with jelly toast... yum!
4. The fact that our real estate agent is awesome and I am convinced if anyone can sell our house, it's her!
5. Daddy H who is outside in the freezing cold spreading mulch on the playground... brrrr!
6. Facebook because it has allowed me to connect with some friends I have missed for so long!
7. My blog readers who leave comments because they give me the positive affirmation that I have realized I actually NEED in my life!

Here's to an awesome Saturday of rest, relaxation, and family time...

Friday Friends

2009-01-16T19:54:00.001-05:00

What a week!

School has been CRAZY BUSY this week, therefore, I have completely neglected the blog. Tomorrow I will get back on track with the Saturday Seven.

Today, though, I want to let my BFF TunaSalad know how much fun I had at work today and how blessed I am that we get to teach in the same classroom together. There are so many days where I wouldn't be able to face it if she wasn't there.

We had such a great time this afternoon. I haven't laughed that hard in I don't even know how long.

I hope you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. Not to mention that you have SO much dirt on me I have no choice. JUST KIDDING. You know I think you are AWESOME!

I've told you who I am thankful for today...
Which of YOUR friends are YOU most thankful for this Friday?

The Sunday Seven

2009-01-11T12:37:00.000-05:00

Since I didn't get around to the Saturday Seven yesterday, here goes...

1. Our great neighbors MK and J who came over and watched football and ate dinner with us last night... Myddle and Babee H say "thanks" especially for the "deb-bulled" eggs!

2. I finally let the cat out of the bag at work that we are going to try to sell our house and move the beach this spring/summer... all went well and I am very grateful for that!

3. No one in my house needs bottles and/or diapers anymore... I have been thankful for it for a long time, but it is time I put it in writing... HALLELUJAH!

4. Reconnecting with my old college roommate and learning that she and her family are living near where we are hoping to move to this spring! :-)

5. Sleeping in until 9am two days in a row! Awesome!

6. The fact that Bigg H and Myddle H are now old enough to play with Daddy H and I online at Pogo... SO FUN! (And Bigg H actually beats me at our new favorite game, Shuffle Bump)

7. My house is clean... kitchen, bathrooms, tv room, bedrooms... the toy room will be clean before we go to bed tonight...

So, now that you know my top SEVEN things I am grateful for, what are YOU most grateful for this weekend?

Friday Friends

2009-01-09T18:48:00.001-05:00

Since last Friday when I decided that I would dedicate each Friday to mending old and/or broken friendships, I have been trying to decide to whom I would write my first letter of apology. There were way too many people to choose from (not a good thing at all, but just another reason why what I am doing is so important)...

Finally, I decided to start with my good friend, EPC. So, here goes.

Dear EPC,

You and I were the best of friends in high school. We spent an unbelieveable amount of time together both in and out of school. We had almost every class together for almost three years. We were inseperable.

When I think back about our friendship, some of the best times of my high school years were spent with you... Remember when you got your drivers' license and we were SO excited that I could finally get "car permission"? That first true taste of freedom in your beautiful blue 1980-something Volvo is something I'll never forget. Remember when we snuck tastes of wine out of the box your parents kept in the fridge? Remember struggling through calculus? What about chemistry class... Remember when I mistook the "gas" nozzle for the "water" nozzle and sent water shooting everywhere instead of turning the Bunsen burner on? Remember our physics project where we made triple-thick jello and chocolate pudding to keep our egg safe as we dropped it off the top of the school? Remember Kams, Libs, and Kris? What about our "radio show" that included a special commentary from the eternal hiccuper? Or the ski trip we took senior year to Park City?

All of these memories have one thing in common that makes them special to me: YOU. I always admired your intelligence, your class, your ability to know what to do and say in every situation... I was so happy for you when you were our class valedictorian and when you were accepted to Davidson, even though I would have loved for it to have been me. You are one of the smartest people I have ever known.

I thought we would be close friends forever. When we graduated from high school, I never imagined we would go for years without speaking. But then came college. We called each other a few times, and I came to visit once, but I just didn't feel like I still had a place in your life like I used to. I can't really find words to explain it, except that I felt at that moment like I no longer belonged, and I just wasn't strong enough to talk to you about it or give it another try. When I was younger, the only way I dealt with feeling like I wasn't "good enough" was to put distance between myself and the other person, which is exactly what I did with our friendship. I have always regretted that we grew apart.

So, EPC, today I am writing to say how very sorry I am that I let my own insecurities get in the way of our friendship. Since we reconnected on Facebook recently, I am reminded of how much your friendship meant to me all those years ago and how much I have missed you all this time...

It makes me sad to think of how much of each other's lives we have missed. We are both married, but neither of us attended each other's weddings. We both have children now, but neither of us knew the other was pregnant. There was a time when I would have never imagined such space between us, and I hope, with time, we can be close again like we were then.

I hope you can accept my apology and that we can start to rebuild our friendship. I promise to be a better friend in the future than I was in the past.

Much love,
Mama H

Thursday's Thing

2009-01-08T16:47:00.000-05:00

Today's thing I am thankful for is:

CLEAN CLOTHES

Yeah... I know.

Not that exciting, right?

Well, it is if you are me. You see, I don't like dressing up. In fact, I don't even own a dress. Or a skirt for that matter. And my closet has only about three pairs of black slacks in it. And a few shirts. Which I rotate through in the course of a week. (My co-workers are probably nodding right now, yep... it's true!)

Others of you are probably sitting here reading this and thinking. OMG. That's just WRONG. And it is, I know it is... on so.many.levels. But the fact is I just don't like dressing up. I am completely uncomfortable unless I am in jeans or sweatpants or maybe cotton pants... and a t-shirt.

But I digress...

The reason I even mentioned how grateful I am today for clean clothes is because the first thing I do when I get home from work each day is go straight to my room and change into my comfy house clothes and my tennis shoes. (I can't stand to be barefoot at all... but that's a whole other post for a whole other day, right???)

Today, I got home knowing I had lesson plans to work on and some other school related things to do. (As opposed to watching Judge Judy, duh) So, like always, I went to my closet and found the most wonderful surprise waiting for me.

My favorite, softest, oldest, most wonderful gray cotton pants. And a t-shirt that is older than all of the kids in my third grade class this year. Clean, fresh, and smelling like fabric softener...

HEAVEN. (at least for today)

So, thanks Daddy H for all the laundry that you do. There have been so many times where the mountain of laundry is higher than Mt. Kilamanjaro, I swear.

Today I am grateful it is no higher than an anthill.

What simple, everyday thing are YOU grateful for today?

Pay It Forward Wednesday

2009-01-07T19:01:00.000-05:00

Do you remember this movie?

When this movie first came out, I was instantly attracted. Recently, I have seen local news stations who give money to people in the community and then follow them as they "pay it forward"... What I have noticed beyond the tears, joy, and surprise is this:

We all have the power to make a difference through kindness.

Whether or not we choose to make this difference is up to us.

Over the past several years, Daddy H and I have been on both sides of the "pay it forward" equation, as givers and receivers. And every time, EVERY TIME, the experience has been overwhelmingly positive and something for which I am very grateful.

Therefore, each Wednesday on my blog is going to be "Pay It Forward Wednesday".

In 2004, back when Myddle H and Bigg H were about 17 months old and around 2 1/2, we came across some really hard times financially. We didn't know what we were going to do as far as Christmas was concerned, but we wanted to make it special for the kids. We invited one of my friends from work to spend Christmas Eve with us -- nothing fancy, just a few different "appetizer type" foods. Anyway, we had a great time and were so grateful to have some company and make Christmas special for our kiddos.

After we finished eating, this friend said she needed to out to her car to get something she had forgotten. When she came back in the house, she had BAGS and I mean BAGS of wrapped presents for the kids. Everything we had been stressing about getting them for Christmas... pants, shirts, socks, shoes, even toothbrushes and toothpaste... even a few adorable toys...

It literally took my breath away. All I could say over and over was "thank you!" But, of course, it didn't seem like enough.

For weeks and weeks, each time my kids wore their new warm clothes to daycare or had on pants that actually were long enough I remembered this person's kindness. Every time we brushed our teeth, I thought about how much it meant to have something so many times before I just taken for granted. When I tied my kids' shoes, I reflected on how without this person, they may not have had comfortable, warm shoes to wear. When I would play with them and their toys, I smiled inside knowing the joy this person had given to us.

So, thanks again, friend. I know I said thank you back then, but I hope you know today just how much your generosity meant to us then and now. Every single Christmas I remember what you did for us and I always will be grateful.

Two for Tuesday

2009-01-06T19:19:00.000-05:00

Today was an overall great day...

That makes Two for Tuesday easy!

Today, I am most grateful for:

1. Bills. Yep. That's right, our bills.

Actually, no so much the actual bills, as the fact that I am able to actually pay them all on time.

There have been many months where I had to make some tough decisions about who was going to get paid and who wasn't.

It is nice to be in a place where, as much as I don't enjoy it, I am able to pay all of our bills for the month.

In a struggling economy such as ours, that is truly a blessing a lot of people would be grateful for.

So I should be, too.

2. Rain.

This one I would usually not be grateful for.

Sure, the plants need rain, we need rain, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Today's rain was what my dad would have called a frog strangler.

It was a good, solid, steady raining day. Rain is not my favorite weather condition.

However, since it is January 6 and I live in South Carolina, I am grateful that today we had RAIN, not snow or ice.

Because that much snow/ice would wreak havoc here.

Like no bread or milk at the store havoc.

Like people upside down in their redneck-mobile-on-the-side-of-the-road havoc.

Like no stores, schools, gas stations, offices, or roads open for one week havoc.

So, repeat after me... Rain is good, people, rain is good.

There you have it. What TWO things are YOU grateful for TODAY?

Monday, Monday, Monday

2009-01-05T16:53:00.000-05:00

Mondays have always been my most UNfavorite day of the week. Forever.

There is just something about the weekend being over and having to face a whole week of work before getting to experience the things I love about the weekends in the first place...

Warm, comfortable jammies

The lack of an alarm clock

No sense of having to be anywhere at any given time...

I could go on and on, that will only make me wish it weren't Monday. But it is.

And I am here to find THREE, count 'em, THREE things that made this Monday better.

I swear I am coming down with something because I am achy, sneezing, have a headache, and just feel overall icky. Of course, it could be that I didn't make it to bed until well after 2:30 a.m. Or I could be sick.

Nevertheless, here are my Monday Multiples:

1. I am thankful that I have a job whose hours allow me to be home in time for Judge Judy...I am addicted to her show and could watch it all.day.long. For realz.

2. I am thankful for Advil Cold and Sinus. Enough said.

3. I am also thankful today for Daddy H. He decided to go grocery shopping for me since I don't have the energy for it at all this afternoon. (That was our original afternoon plan.)

Here's to a better Tuesday!

Sentimental Sundays

2009-01-04T11:34:00.000-05:00

Each Sunday, I am going to write about someone or something from my past for which I am thankful. Hence the name Sentimental Sundays...

This person has had such an amazing influence on my life in more ways than he will ever know. Each day I am reminded by something I say or do just how much a part of me he is and always will be.

Day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute, I see myself more and more like him.

When I am strong in the face of crisis. When I am able to make the whole room laugh even though inside I am crying. When I carry the weight of supporting my family on my shoulders. When I am successful according to others, but can't see anything I have done right. When I am easily hurt, but rarely show it. When I can't sleep. When I am totally and completely stubborn. When I eat too much. When I make a joke that could be considered by some "inappropriate". When I look in the mirror and see that I should be standing straighter, not slouching. When I lose my temper. When I hold my children and hope they feel safe in my arms. When I stay up late at night worrying about things I can't really control.

I thank God for sparing him and giving him another chance to live when I was only 5 years old in 1981. And again in 1992. As hard as it has been to live without him for the last five years, I can't even imagine everything I would have missed if he hadn't survived the first or second bypass surgery.

My kindergarten graduation. My elementary school graduation. My junior high band competitions. My basketball and softball games. My induction into Honor Society. My senior year ring ceremony. My high school and college graduations. My wedding day. The birth of Bigg H. He would have missed it all. WOW.

So many times, I think back about him and the words I hear over and over are from Reba McEntire's song "The Greatest Man I Never Knew":

"Everything he gave to us took all he had."

I realize that this person gave me (and others) so much of himself, there wasn't anything left for him.

In an instant, on the night on May 14, 2003, alone in an exam room of his office, he was gone.

This world was too much for him.

He is happy now. He isn't in pain. He isn't worried or stressed. He isn't sad.

So, thanks for everything Dad. I love you and miss you more than you will ever know.

The Saturday Seven

2009-01-03T10:25:00.001-05:00

Each Saturday, I am going to list seven things for which I am most grateful from the week before... I know that most of the time I will include my kiddos and DH, but I am going to try to make it specific, so I can see more clearly what makes each of them the special, individual people that they are. I know I take them for granted way too much, and that is going to change, starting now:

Babee H telling me the other day that I am her "bess fend" (translation: best friend) I know there will be times where she won't feel that way, and that's fine, but I'll take it while I can get it...
The fact that the smoke I smelled in my house at 1am on Friday morning wasn't my own house on fire this time... it was someone burning trash, I think (at 1am??)
Laying on my comfy old couch, feet propped up on the ottoman, wrapped in a snuggly blanket, watching television in my quiet, I mean silent house... knowing that everyone I love is sleeping all around me... now THAT is bliss!
Waking up this morning to a clean kitchen, compliments of Daddy H, who got up early to go golfing and decided to leave me a little surprise... I am really starting to see that little things like this are how he tells me in his own way how much he really does love me...
Hot water, which I will be sitting in for a while, reading my newest addiction... Summer Sisters by Judy Blume (yes, she writes adult books, too!) Thanks to AloeVera for lending the book to me months and months ago...
Bigg H, who volunteered to fix breakfast this morning all by himself... Frosted Flakes! Gotta love having a six year old!
Myddle H, who came into the bedroom this morning while I was still sleeping. When I told her that I'd get up in a minute, she said, "That's okay, mama. I just came in to give you a kiss and tell you how much I love you. I love you 143 thousand 223." WOW.

Friday Friends

2009-01-02T11:59:00.000-05:00

Part of my New Year's Resolution is to mend some of the relationships I have messed up so badly.

Over the last few months, I have reconnected with a lot of old friends via Facebook... As I reflect on the distance that has been placed between myself and these people that used to be so much a part of my everyday life, it is very clear to me that the problem wasn't them. It was ME.

The fact that our friendships have fizzled out isn't because they have done anything wrong... it is because of my own self-centeredness and unwillingness to tell people how much they mean to me...

In fact, I realized time after time that I follow a pattern with friends... I meet someone, become really close friends with them (usually easily) and we become super close, super fast... Then, it all starts to unravel... It seems to me that as soon as I get really close to someone, I (like an idiot) push them away, telling myself that they must have done something to me... that they actually in some way deserve how I treat them...

When in fact, it's not them that I don't like. It's ME. I don't like myself most of the time and rather than admit that, I have found it easier to not like THEM. How awful does that sound?

WOW.

Well, in an effort to mend these relationships, I am going to dedicate each Friday's post on here to one friend who I have pushed away... I am going spill my guts about that person and tell them how I really feel... I am going to hope and pray that they can forgive me for the wrong that I have done, for the feelings I have hurt, for the space I have placed between us. For everything.

And maybe, just maybe, through this process I'll not only be able to tell them how much I love them, I'll be able to find a little love for myself...

Only time will tell...

Thursday's Thing

2009-01-01T21:28:00.000-05:00

Each Thursday, I will list one THING I am thankful for.

Today, I am thankful for HEAT.

My house is warm tonight even though it is cold outside (33 degrees to be exact). However, I am able to sit here in my kitchen wearing a t-shirt and cotton pants and I am comfortable. And warm.

You see, it wasn't all that many years ago that Daddy H and I were brand-new parents of Bigg H. We lived in a house we rented from his boss, one that we couldn't afford to heat all at once.

So... we bought a few space heaters, hung blankets up on Bigg H's bedroom and our bedroom doors to "trap" the heat, and heated just those two spaces. We didn't heat the bathroom unless we were using it at the time. (Talk about a cold butt in the morning!)

Daddy H worked long hours that winter, so I was home with Bigg H alone most of the time. After I finished teaching school for the day and picked Bigg H up from the babysitter, we'd drive home with the heat in the car CRANKED up WAY TOO HIGH... When we got home, I'd sprint out of the car with Bigg H and through the cold, and into our bedroom, immediately turning on the heater. I'd wrap Bigg H up in blankets and hold him so he'd stay warm until the room heated up. Then we'd stay and play and watch some television until Daddy H got home.

Then, he'd watch Bigg H while I went into the ice-cold kitchen to cook some dinner... in my winter coat. We ate it in the bedroom where it was warm, but doing dishes was a gigantic, cold, PAIN in the booty. (But at least we did have a dishwasher...)

Sometimes it seems like that part of our life was a long time ago, but the fact is that it was only 6 years ago.

So, tonight, I am thankful for how we have been blessed over and over again and so glad to have HEAT.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T19:15:00.000-05:00

As part of my New Year's Resolutions, I have decided to start journaling what I am thankful/grateful for. I have lived a very blessed life, but often find myself focused on the negative things or things I wish I could change rather than the positive blessings of my life.

My goals for this blog are:

Become more grateful for the everyday pleasures/blessing in my life
Move away from negative feelings and self-talk
Encourage others to recognize things in their lives for which they are grateful
Experience a total and complete "Gratitude Adjustment"

Welcome aboard! I'm glad you are here!