Not much to say today. I am struggling with a lot lately.
However, no matter how miserable I think I am, things could always be worse.
I need to keep that in perspective.
Things.
Could.
Be.
So.
Much.
Worse.
So, today I am grateful for:
1. The fact that no matter how much I hate myself or feel like a failure, my kiddos dropped everything and ran to the door to greet me when I got home tonight. They truly make the worries and disappointments and failures of the day disappear. I hope they know how much I love them. I hope I show and tell them enough every day how much they mean to me.
2. Tomorrow. Because it's another chance to start again. Another chance to do better. Another chance to eat less, be kinder, work smarter, and love more. Another chance to truly be grateful for all that I am blessed with. Another chance to get out of this funk that I am in.
So... what are you grateful for?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Two for Tuesday
I'd like to write a post about the wonder of snow.
The joy that it brought my children.
The fun that they had playing outside, building a snowman.
Maybe I'd even post some pictures of snow angels that they made.
But, it didn't snow. Not even a flake's worth.
CRAP.
So... what else am I thankful for today?
Let's see...
1. Patience. I worked late at school tonight, like I do most Tuesdays. I emailed Daddy H and asked him if he wanted Subway for dinner. Sure. So, I arrived at the local Subway at 7:05 p.m. I returned to my car at 7:29 p.m. And there was only one person in front of me. I literally felt like I was watching things happen in slow motion. It...was...painful...to...say...the...least... I contemplated leaving and just coming on home, but I figured that 1) at least they were working, not sitting home collecting unemployment and 2) they were taking their time to craft each sandwich for the person in front of me with impeccable attention to detail. And, really, who am I to be in such a hurry?
2. One day at a time. I haven't been doing well on my diet lately at all. In fact, I have been in what I would call a "holding pattern" for the past 2 months. TWO MONTHS. 60+ days. Wasted. For the longest time, I didn't gain weight, I maintained. Until the last 2 weeks. I have gained 6 pounds back of the 36 I had lost altogether. 1/6 of it! So, today, once again, I told myself that I was back on the wagon. I honestly struggled with it all day. But I told myself that I need to take baby steps ONE DAY AT A TIME until I am motivated, losing weight, and back on track like I was before the holidays.
What TWO things are you thankful for today?
The joy that it brought my children.
The fun that they had playing outside, building a snowman.
Maybe I'd even post some pictures of snow angels that they made.
But, it didn't snow. Not even a flake's worth.
CRAP.
So... what else am I thankful for today?
Let's see...
1. Patience. I worked late at school tonight, like I do most Tuesdays. I emailed Daddy H and asked him if he wanted Subway for dinner. Sure. So, I arrived at the local Subway at 7:05 p.m. I returned to my car at 7:29 p.m. And there was only one person in front of me. I literally felt like I was watching things happen in slow motion. It...was...painful...to...say...the...least... I contemplated leaving and just coming on home, but I figured that 1) at least they were working, not sitting home collecting unemployment and 2) they were taking their time to craft each sandwich for the person in front of me with impeccable attention to detail. And, really, who am I to be in such a hurry?
2. One day at a time. I haven't been doing well on my diet lately at all. In fact, I have been in what I would call a "holding pattern" for the past 2 months. TWO MONTHS. 60+ days. Wasted. For the longest time, I didn't gain weight, I maintained. Until the last 2 weeks. I have gained 6 pounds back of the 36 I had lost altogether. 1/6 of it! So, today, once again, I told myself that I was back on the wagon. I honestly struggled with it all day. But I told myself that I need to take baby steps ONE DAY AT A TIME until I am motivated, losing weight, and back on track like I was before the holidays.
What TWO things are you thankful for today?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Monday, Monday, Monday
I was reading back over yesterday's post and MAN was I long-winded... Of course, I guess Daddy H deserves to have the longest post I have ever written, right?
Well, today's post will be a short one. As you remember, I hate Mondays. They are the worst! However, I have committed myself to finding three things for which I am grateful for each Monday...
Here goes...
1. Lunch with an old friend. Today, Myddle and Babee H and I are meeting NC for lunch at the local restaurant. NC and I used to teach together, back when I was a new mom. She has always been such a role model for me as a mom. She has such an amazing relationship with her children and I can only hope that I will be able to build the same quality relationship with mine.
2. The prospect of snow. I'll be the first to admit that I hate winter. I mean HATE it. What's to like with the static-y hair, the constant shocks of electricity, the dry skin, chapped lips, cold seats in the car, wind, no outside recess, etc, etc, etc.... But I do love the joy that snow brings my children. They are so very excited about the possibility of snow and have been checking out the windows all day long in anticipation. Now, if only I could find their hats and mittens... hmmm...
3. A long, scalding hot bath and a good book. Nothing makes me relax and takes the stress out of the day like escaping for a few moments into a tub of so-hot-you-can-barely-stand-it water and a book you just can't put down. Every day I make sure I have time to take a bath. When the kiddos were younger, I rarely had time for this luxury, but now that they are older, I make sure I get these 30 minutes to myself each day. For just a little while, I am not "Mama" or "Mrs. H" or "Honey"... I can truly escape into the pages of a book while the hot water relaxes the tension out of my body... Calgon, take me away!!!!!
So, what are you thankful for this Monday? C'mon, you can think of SOMETHING!!!
Well, today's post will be a short one. As you remember, I hate Mondays. They are the worst! However, I have committed myself to finding three things for which I am grateful for each Monday...
Here goes...
1. Lunch with an old friend. Today, Myddle and Babee H and I are meeting NC for lunch at the local restaurant. NC and I used to teach together, back when I was a new mom. She has always been such a role model for me as a mom. She has such an amazing relationship with her children and I can only hope that I will be able to build the same quality relationship with mine.
2. The prospect of snow. I'll be the first to admit that I hate winter. I mean HATE it. What's to like with the static-y hair, the constant shocks of electricity, the dry skin, chapped lips, cold seats in the car, wind, no outside recess, etc, etc, etc.... But I do love the joy that snow brings my children. They are so very excited about the possibility of snow and have been checking out the windows all day long in anticipation. Now, if only I could find their hats and mittens... hmmm...
3. A long, scalding hot bath and a good book. Nothing makes me relax and takes the stress out of the day like escaping for a few moments into a tub of so-hot-you-can-barely-stand-it water and a book you just can't put down. Every day I make sure I have time to take a bath. When the kiddos were younger, I rarely had time for this luxury, but now that they are older, I make sure I get these 30 minutes to myself each day. For just a little while, I am not "Mama" or "Mrs. H" or "Honey"... I can truly escape into the pages of a book while the hot water relaxes the tension out of my body... Calgon, take me away!!!!!
So, what are you thankful for this Monday? C'mon, you can think of SOMETHING!!!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Sentimental Sundays
Today, I am going to look back over what could be considered the most important decision of my life...
Homecoming Weekend 1995 -- Furman University
The floats were decorated on the mall...
There were parties everywhere...
The football game was fun for all who attended...
I mean, that's what I heard. I wasn't actually there.
I was in Longwood College in Farmville, Virginia.
That's where my life changed forever.
A little background information... the dating world at Furman is not all that great.
Actually, it is non-existent. And that's being kind.
For some unknown reason, Furman boys don't date Furman girls. For the most part, we are their friends, drinking buddies, study partners, whatever... but NOT their dates or girlfriends... not no way... not no how.
So, I decided Homecoming Weekend would be the perfect opportunity to skip town and go to visit one of my BFFs from high school, Tizzy. She was a junior and was dating a guy named Mike. I told her that I wanted to have a good time for the weekend and take my mind off of school and all of the (what seemed like) stress that I had going on from it...
She told me she had the perfect guy for me. One of her boyfriend's friends... a United States Marine. I was excited. Completely and totally excited.
I had seen the ads on television. I knew the uniform well. I knew the confidence, the "look", the overall appeal of a man in uniform. And here I was, going on a blind date with a Marine. WOW! I could hardly contain myself...
Until he walked in her dorm room for the first time.
First of all, his name was Bubba. Seriously. That's what everyone called him. Including me. He was wearing blue jean shorts, a t-shirt, and hiking boots. YEAH. I know. Not exactly the Marine I had seen on television or in billboard advertisements.
Since I had yet to have my first drink, I didn't know what to do but sit there and be polite. Who was I to judge someone by their outward appearance or the fact that they didn't seem to measure up to my idea of what they should or should not look like?
We loaded up in Tizzy's car and drove to the nearest grocery store for beer and such. Before I knew it, Bubba and I were chasing each other around the store... he was meowing like a cat and I was barking like a dog. I was completely sober at this point, remember. Completely.sober. And having the most fun I had had in a long, long time. With a guy named Bubba.
Well, needless to say, we went back to Tizzy's dorm room and started drinking. After a few bottles of Boone's (I was a poor college kid, remember) we decided it was time to hit some of the parties/bars on and nearby campus. We had the best time I can remember. It was fun from start to finish, and I didn't want the night to end. Afterwards, we took Tizzy and Mike back to Tizzy's dorm room and Bubba and I decided to do through the Hardee's drive thru... we were starving.
He had a tiny little teal green Ford Ranger back in those days, with a little green and black stuffed puppy in the front windshield. I'll never forget how excited I was when he said I could have it. I had never in my whole life "clicked" with someone so instantly. Never had I been so happy with someone who was a complete and total stranger to me. We talked and talked and talked that night until it was time for he and Mike to return to Fort Pickett. I counted the hours until he and Mike would come back the next night. And we had an even better time the next night. Then it was time for me to come back to Greenville and go back to the life I knew here at Furman.
That was November. I knew I'd probably never see or hear from Bubba again, but I didn't care. I had no regrets whatsoever. I was living in the moment, and for the first time in my life I wasn't analyzing who, what, when, where, why, or how about the situation. It.just.felt.right.
I came back from that trip and my roommate MB told me, after hearing about how wonderful and fun and awesome and great my weekend was that I was going to marry Bubba. I told her she was crazy and that I was never going to see much less hear from her again.
So, when I got a random phone call in March of 1996, I was surprised to say the least. The message was from "J in North Carolina". Um... WHO? I had no idea. It took me three.whole.days. to figure out who it was. It was Bubba! To say I was thrilled would be the understatement of the century.
He wanted to know if I would go to Myrtle Beach with him for the weekend. Um. YEAH! I had enough of a moment of sanity to think that maybe I shouldn't... here I was, a 19 year old college girl, going to meet a 25 year old Marine that I had only met once before. Not exactly what I'd want Myddle or Babee H doing, right? But, again, it just felt right. So I did it. Of course, I told MB where I was going (this was before everyone and their mama had a cell phone, remember?) and that if I wasn't back on Sunday, then she should probably worry. (NICE, huh?)
Driving there, I was nervous. More nervous than I expected to be. Was he the same fun-loving guy that I remembered? (Hope so!) Would he be wearing those same shorts and boots? (Hope not!) Would we "click" like we did in November? (Hope so!) What would happen if we didn't "click" this time? (Didn't even want to consider it.)
Well, to make a long story short, it was the most amazing and wonderful weekend of my life. From start to finish we had fun talking, walking up and down Ocean Blvd, hanging out with all of his Marine buddies.
We've been together ever since. Through highs and lows. Through fun times and sad times. Through it all. He's been there for me.
So, thanks Daddy H.
Thanks for loving me for who I am, even when I don't love myself.
Thanks for giving me three children who I can't imagine living one day without.
Thanks for listening to me when I have a bad day and work.
Thanks for always wanting to fix whatever is wrong, even when you know you can't do a damn thing about it.
Thanks for making me feel safe.
Thanks for making me laugh, even when I feel like crying.
Thanks for allowing me to be myself, completely and totally, when we are together.
Thanks.
I know I don't say it nearly enough.
I love you more than you know.
Mama H
Homecoming Weekend 1995 -- Furman University
The floats were decorated on the mall...
There were parties everywhere...
The football game was fun for all who attended...
I mean, that's what I heard. I wasn't actually there.
I was in Longwood College in Farmville, Virginia.
That's where my life changed forever.
A little background information... the dating world at Furman is not all that great.
Actually, it is non-existent. And that's being kind.
For some unknown reason, Furman boys don't date Furman girls. For the most part, we are their friends, drinking buddies, study partners, whatever... but NOT their dates or girlfriends... not no way... not no how.
So, I decided Homecoming Weekend would be the perfect opportunity to skip town and go to visit one of my BFFs from high school, Tizzy. She was a junior and was dating a guy named Mike. I told her that I wanted to have a good time for the weekend and take my mind off of school and all of the (what seemed like) stress that I had going on from it...
She told me she had the perfect guy for me. One of her boyfriend's friends... a United States Marine. I was excited. Completely and totally excited.
I had seen the ads on television. I knew the uniform well. I knew the confidence, the "look", the overall appeal of a man in uniform. And here I was, going on a blind date with a Marine. WOW! I could hardly contain myself...
Until he walked in her dorm room for the first time.
First of all, his name was Bubba. Seriously. That's what everyone called him. Including me. He was wearing blue jean shorts, a t-shirt, and hiking boots. YEAH. I know. Not exactly the Marine I had seen on television or in billboard advertisements.
Since I had yet to have my first drink, I didn't know what to do but sit there and be polite. Who was I to judge someone by their outward appearance or the fact that they didn't seem to measure up to my idea of what they should or should not look like?
We loaded up in Tizzy's car and drove to the nearest grocery store for beer and such. Before I knew it, Bubba and I were chasing each other around the store... he was meowing like a cat and I was barking like a dog. I was completely sober at this point, remember. Completely.sober. And having the most fun I had had in a long, long time. With a guy named Bubba.
Well, needless to say, we went back to Tizzy's dorm room and started drinking. After a few bottles of Boone's (I was a poor college kid, remember) we decided it was time to hit some of the parties/bars on and nearby campus. We had the best time I can remember. It was fun from start to finish, and I didn't want the night to end. Afterwards, we took Tizzy and Mike back to Tizzy's dorm room and Bubba and I decided to do through the Hardee's drive thru... we were starving.
He had a tiny little teal green Ford Ranger back in those days, with a little green and black stuffed puppy in the front windshield. I'll never forget how excited I was when he said I could have it. I had never in my whole life "clicked" with someone so instantly. Never had I been so happy with someone who was a complete and total stranger to me. We talked and talked and talked that night until it was time for he and Mike to return to Fort Pickett. I counted the hours until he and Mike would come back the next night. And we had an even better time the next night. Then it was time for me to come back to Greenville and go back to the life I knew here at Furman.
That was November. I knew I'd probably never see or hear from Bubba again, but I didn't care. I had no regrets whatsoever. I was living in the moment, and for the first time in my life I wasn't analyzing who, what, when, where, why, or how about the situation. It.just.felt.right.
I came back from that trip and my roommate MB told me, after hearing about how wonderful and fun and awesome and great my weekend was that I was going to marry Bubba. I told her she was crazy and that I was never going to see much less hear from her again.
So, when I got a random phone call in March of 1996, I was surprised to say the least. The message was from "J in North Carolina". Um... WHO? I had no idea. It took me three.whole.days. to figure out who it was. It was Bubba! To say I was thrilled would be the understatement of the century.
He wanted to know if I would go to Myrtle Beach with him for the weekend. Um. YEAH! I had enough of a moment of sanity to think that maybe I shouldn't... here I was, a 19 year old college girl, going to meet a 25 year old Marine that I had only met once before. Not exactly what I'd want Myddle or Babee H doing, right? But, again, it just felt right. So I did it. Of course, I told MB where I was going (this was before everyone and their mama had a cell phone, remember?) and that if I wasn't back on Sunday, then she should probably worry. (NICE, huh?)
Driving there, I was nervous. More nervous than I expected to be. Was he the same fun-loving guy that I remembered? (Hope so!) Would he be wearing those same shorts and boots? (Hope not!) Would we "click" like we did in November? (Hope so!) What would happen if we didn't "click" this time? (Didn't even want to consider it.)
Well, to make a long story short, it was the most amazing and wonderful weekend of my life. From start to finish we had fun talking, walking up and down Ocean Blvd, hanging out with all of his Marine buddies.
We've been together ever since. Through highs and lows. Through fun times and sad times. Through it all. He's been there for me.
So, thanks Daddy H.
Thanks for loving me for who I am, even when I don't love myself.
Thanks for giving me three children who I can't imagine living one day without.
Thanks for listening to me when I have a bad day and work.
Thanks for always wanting to fix whatever is wrong, even when you know you can't do a damn thing about it.
Thanks for making me feel safe.
Thanks for making me laugh, even when I feel like crying.
Thanks for allowing me to be myself, completely and totally, when we are together.
Thanks.
I know I don't say it nearly enough.
I love you more than you know.
Mama H
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Saturday Seven
Today, I am thankful for these seven things... in no particular order:
1. Sleeping in until 10am... thanks Daddy H!
2. Playing Uno with my girls in our jammies at 11:30 a.m.
3. Cheese omlettes and bacon with jelly toast... yum!
4. The fact that our real estate agent is awesome and I am convinced if anyone can sell our house, it's her!
5. Daddy H who is outside in the freezing cold spreading mulch on the playground... brrrr!
6. Facebook because it has allowed me to connect with some friends I have missed for so long!
7. My blog readers who leave comments because they give me the positive affirmation that I have realized I actually NEED in my life!
Here's to an awesome Saturday of rest, relaxation, and family time...
1. Sleeping in until 10am... thanks Daddy H!
2. Playing Uno with my girls in our jammies at 11:30 a.m.
3. Cheese omlettes and bacon with jelly toast... yum!
4. The fact that our real estate agent is awesome and I am convinced if anyone can sell our house, it's her!
5. Daddy H who is outside in the freezing cold spreading mulch on the playground... brrrr!
6. Facebook because it has allowed me to connect with some friends I have missed for so long!
7. My blog readers who leave comments because they give me the positive affirmation that I have realized I actually NEED in my life!
Here's to an awesome Saturday of rest, relaxation, and family time...
Friday, January 16, 2009
Friday Friends
What a week!
School has been CRAZY BUSY this week, therefore, I have completely neglected the blog. Tomorrow I will get back on track with the Saturday Seven.
Today, though, I want to let my BFF TunaSalad know how much fun I had at work today and how blessed I am that we get to teach in the same classroom together. There are so many days where I wouldn't be able to face it if she wasn't there.
We had such a great time this afternoon. I haven't laughed that hard in I don't even know how long.
I hope you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. Not to mention that you have SO much dirt on me I have no choice. JUST KIDDING. You know I think you are AWESOME!
I've told you who I am thankful for today...
Which of YOUR friends are YOU most thankful for this Friday?
School has been CRAZY BUSY this week, therefore, I have completely neglected the blog. Tomorrow I will get back on track with the Saturday Seven.
Today, though, I want to let my BFF TunaSalad know how much fun I had at work today and how blessed I am that we get to teach in the same classroom together. There are so many days where I wouldn't be able to face it if she wasn't there.
We had such a great time this afternoon. I haven't laughed that hard in I don't even know how long.
I hope you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. Not to mention that you have SO much dirt on me I have no choice. JUST KIDDING. You know I think you are AWESOME!
I've told you who I am thankful for today...
Which of YOUR friends are YOU most thankful for this Friday?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Sunday Seven
Since I didn't get around to the Saturday Seven yesterday, here goes...
1. Our great neighbors MK and J who came over and watched football and ate dinner with us last night... Myddle and Babee H say "thanks" especially for the "deb-bulled" eggs!
2. I finally let the cat out of the bag at work that we are going to try to sell our house and move the beach this spring/summer... all went well and I am very grateful for that!
3. No one in my house needs bottles and/or diapers anymore... I have been thankful for it for a long time, but it is time I put it in writing... HALLELUJAH!
4. Reconnecting with my old college roommate and learning that she and her family are living near where we are hoping to move to this spring! :-)
5. Sleeping in until 9am two days in a row! Awesome!
6. The fact that Bigg H and Myddle H are now old enough to play with Daddy H and I online at Pogo... SO FUN! (And Bigg H actually beats me at our new favorite game, Shuffle Bump)
7. My house is clean... kitchen, bathrooms, tv room, bedrooms... the toy room will be clean before we go to bed tonight...
So, now that you know my top SEVEN things I am grateful for, what are YOU most grateful for this weekend?
1. Our great neighbors MK and J who came over and watched football and ate dinner with us last night... Myddle and Babee H say "thanks" especially for the "deb-bulled" eggs!
2. I finally let the cat out of the bag at work that we are going to try to sell our house and move the beach this spring/summer... all went well and I am very grateful for that!
3. No one in my house needs bottles and/or diapers anymore... I have been thankful for it for a long time, but it is time I put it in writing... HALLELUJAH!
4. Reconnecting with my old college roommate and learning that she and her family are living near where we are hoping to move to this spring! :-)
5. Sleeping in until 9am two days in a row! Awesome!
6. The fact that Bigg H and Myddle H are now old enough to play with Daddy H and I online at Pogo... SO FUN! (And Bigg H actually beats me at our new favorite game, Shuffle Bump)
7. My house is clean... kitchen, bathrooms, tv room, bedrooms... the toy room will be clean before we go to bed tonight...
So, now that you know my top SEVEN things I am grateful for, what are YOU most grateful for this weekend?
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