Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Turnaround Tuesday

Tonight I am disappointed, dismayed, and frustrated. It hasn't been a good day.

I can't sleep because I can't stop playing all the what-ifs and uncertainties of my life at this moment in my head.

So, I did what I normally do when I can't sleep.

Something guaranteed to make me drowsy and lethargic.

Lesson plans.

But, being the dedicated teacher I am, I had to first check my email. What I found in there changed my mood. Completely.

Turns out someone loves me. I mean, I know Daddy H and the kiddos love me, DUH. But apparently someone else does. And, this person took time out of what I know for a fact is a completely hectic and stressful night to write the nicest email I have ever received.

Just to tell me she loves me and that she actually will miss me when we move.


I have mentioned before that I have a what some people would call "PROBLEM" with self-esteem. I honestly cannot figure out for the life of me why anyone would like me, much less "love" me. It just doesn't make sense. In my eyes I have nothing positive to offer anyone. Nothing. So, as I contemplate moving, I really can't see how anyone would miss me. Honestly, I can't. In my eyes, as soon as I am out of sight, I will be out of mind, and that's okay. I don't deserve anything more.

However, this person, the person who more than anyone else in my lifetime has seen me through highs and lows, through good days and days better forgotten, through my moodiness and snarkiness, through my depression and my mania, through days where we have laughed until we've cried as well as cried until there was nothing left to do but laugh, is actually going to miss me when I am gone.


I couldn't even email her back because I couldn't find the words to say.

But now I have.

I love you, too, friend.

And, no matter what distance is ever between us, you and I will always have our memories, laughs, tears, and all the other craziness that has been the last eight years we have known each other, not to mention years and years of memories still to be made together...

Thanks for turning my Tuesday around AND for loving me despite all of my many, many flaws.

How in the world did I get so lucky?

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Finally... A New Post!

I'm here, and I am still finding so many, many things each day to be grateful for in my life. I just have been slack about posting this month...

For example, the weather this weekend is incredible and such a blessing. I swear I have that seasonal affective disorder. I can't stand winter or gray skies or lack of sunshine. It seriously depresses me. But this weekend is as perfect as they come. WOW.

I am also grateful for my kiddos who have been such an asset as we have spent the last two Saturday mornings/afternoons cleaning feveriously for potential buyers to come and see our house. There is no way we could keep the house this clean if they were not so much bigger and motivated to help... I don't know who wants to move more... the kiddos or Daddy H and I! They are so excited to live at the beach!

Finally, I am grateful for the many close friendships I have made since I have been living here. I know I will write more about this as the months go on, but I need to say at least this... Living at the beach is our dream, and it is about to come true... which is unimaginable to Daddy H and myself... However, for me, living without my friends that have become such an integral and important part of my every day life is also unimaginable. I can't honestly even imagine what it will be like to be so far away from some of them. I know I have tried to put it out of my mind for the fact that it is tender, bittersweet subject, but the time is soon approaching when I'll have to face it. For now, I am grateful for the time we have left together.

So, what are you grateful for this Sunday afternoon?