Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Turnaround Tuesday

Tonight I am disappointed, dismayed, and frustrated. It hasn't been a good day.

I can't sleep because I can't stop playing all the what-ifs and uncertainties of my life at this moment in my head.

So, I did what I normally do when I can't sleep.

Something guaranteed to make me drowsy and lethargic.

Lesson plans.

But, being the dedicated teacher I am, I had to first check my email. What I found in there changed my mood. Completely.

Turns out someone loves me. I mean, I know Daddy H and the kiddos love me, DUH. But apparently someone else does. And, this person took time out of what I know for a fact is a completely hectic and stressful night to write the nicest email I have ever received.

Just to tell me she loves me and that she actually will miss me when we move.


I have mentioned before that I have a what some people would call "PROBLEM" with self-esteem. I honestly cannot figure out for the life of me why anyone would like me, much less "love" me. It just doesn't make sense. In my eyes I have nothing positive to offer anyone. Nothing. So, as I contemplate moving, I really can't see how anyone would miss me. Honestly, I can't. In my eyes, as soon as I am out of sight, I will be out of mind, and that's okay. I don't deserve anything more.

However, this person, the person who more than anyone else in my lifetime has seen me through highs and lows, through good days and days better forgotten, through my moodiness and snarkiness, through my depression and my mania, through days where we have laughed until we've cried as well as cried until there was nothing left to do but laugh, is actually going to miss me when I am gone.


I couldn't even email her back because I couldn't find the words to say.

But now I have.

I love you, too, friend.

And, no matter what distance is ever between us, you and I will always have our memories, laughs, tears, and all the other craziness that has been the last eight years we have known each other, not to mention years and years of memories still to be made together...

Thanks for turning my Tuesday around AND for loving me despite all of my many, many flaws.

How in the world did I get so lucky?


  1. such a sweet post!

    as for your "what if" syndrome...I've been entrenched in it for weeks now, so I know a bit where you're coming from.

    the "blues" can be so difficult to deal with sometimes...especially if one is carrying baggage that affects their feeling of self-worth.

    one of my favorite quotes that helps me deal with my feelings in such times:

    "Everything that's beautiful is cracked...that's how the light gets in"
    (Leonard Cohen)

    hope you're feeling much less "blue" soon!

  2. So now you KNOW - you are loveable to others aside from your immediate family. :o)


I am very THANKFUL for any and all comments! They truly make my day! So, THANKS!