Friday Friends

Part of my New Year's Resolution is to mend some of the relationships I have messed up so badly.

Over the last few months, I have reconnected with a lot of old friends via Facebook... As I reflect on the distance that has been placed between myself and these people that used to be so much a part of my everyday life, it is very clear to me that the problem wasn't them. It was ME.

The fact that our friendships have fizzled out isn't because they have done anything wrong... it is because of my own self-centeredness and unwillingness to tell people how much they mean to me...

In fact, I realized time after time that I follow a pattern with friends... I meet someone, become really close friends with them (usually easily) and we become super close, super fast... Then, it all starts to unravel... It seems to me that as soon as I get really close to someone, I (like an idiot) push them away, telling myself that they must have done something to me... that they actually in some way deserve how I treat them...

When in fact, it's not them that I don't like. It's ME. I don't like myself most of the time and rather than admit that, I have found it easier to not like THEM. How awful does that sound?

WOW.

Well, in an effort to mend these relationships, I am going to dedicate each Friday's post on here to one friend who I have pushed away... I am going spill my guts about that person and tell them how I really feel... I am going to hope and pray that they can forgive me for the wrong that I have done, for the feelings I have hurt, for the space I have placed between us. For everything.

And maybe, just maybe, through this process I'll not only be able to tell them how much I love them, I'll be able to find a little love for myself...

Only time will tell...