Since last Friday when I decided that I would dedicate each Friday to mending old and/or broken friendships, I have been trying to decide to whom I would write my first letter of apology. There were way too many people to choose from (not a good thing at all, but just another reason why what I am doing is so important)...
Finally, I decided to start with my good friend, EPC. So, here goes.
You and I were the best of friends in high school. We spent an unbelieveable amount of time together both in and out of school. We had almost every class together for almost three years. We were inseperable.
When I think back about our friendship, some of the best times of my high school years were spent with you... Remember when you got your drivers' license and we were SO excited that I could finally get "car permission"? That first true taste of freedom in your beautiful blue 1980-something Volvo is something I'll never forget. Remember when we snuck tastes of wine out of the box your parents kept in the fridge? Remember struggling through calculus? What about chemistry class... Remember when I mistook the "gas" nozzle for the "water" nozzle and sent water shooting everywhere instead of turning the Bunsen burner on? Remember our physics project where we made triple-thick jello and chocolate pudding to keep our egg safe as we dropped it off the top of the school? Remember Kams, Libs, and Kris? What about our "radio show" that included a special commentary from the eternal hiccuper? Or the ski trip we took senior year to Park City?
All of these memories have one thing in common that makes them special to me: YOU. I always admired your intelligence, your class, your ability to know what to do and say in every situation... I was so happy for you when you were our class valedictorian and when you were accepted to Davidson, even though I would have loved for it to have been me. You are one of the smartest people I have ever known.
I thought we would be close friends forever. When we graduated from high school, I never imagined we would go for years without speaking. But then came college. We called each other a few times, and I came to visit once, but I just didn't feel like I still had a place in your life like I used to. I can't really find words to explain it, except that I felt at that moment like I no longer belonged, and I just wasn't strong enough to talk to you about it or give it another try. When I was younger, the only way I dealt with feeling like I wasn't "good enough" was to put distance between myself and the other person, which is exactly what I did with our friendship. I have always regretted that we grew apart.
So, EPC, today I am writing to say how very sorry I am that I let my own insecurities get in the way of our friendship. Since we reconnected on Facebook recently, I am reminded of how much your friendship meant to me all those years ago and how much I have missed you all this time...
It makes me sad to think of how much of each other's lives we have missed. We are both married, but neither of us attended each other's weddings. We both have children now, but neither of us knew the other was pregnant. There was a time when I would have never imagined such space between us, and I hope, with time, we can be close again like we were then.
I hope you can accept my apology and that we can start to rebuild our friendship. I promise to be a better friend in the future than I was in the past.